Lost For Words

Trying to sound positive is getting harder each time i lift up the phone to give my friend a call. Today she's having her second chemotherapy session. We laughed and joked a lot yesterday. She said she was checking into the hotel hospital hotel at 8am today. Chemo usually starts at 3pm for her. She said she'll give me a call when its done and if its better this time. I still have not got a call yet and its midnight now. Guess it didn't go too well today. I will have to wait till tomorrow to give her a call.

The first session went well. I had to tell her lies. Her husband and i have to tell her some lies. Many lies to get her to remain positive before the first session. She was scared to death and she was shivering. Up against the unknown. When she was done with that first session, she told me... you lied. You said its not going to be painful. Even though we both knew that it was going to be a rough journey ahead, sometimes we have to tell little white lies to get things going first.

I've known this friend for almost 20 years. A very long time. She used to sit behind me in college and used to ask me to draw for her sometimes. Sometimes she annoys me to the maximum with her constant noise but we always have good laughs. She almost got both of us drowned when we were at the waterfalls on one of our outings with the class. I knew how to swim but she did not. She just pulled me down when she panicked and tried to get air. Good thing someone pulled us to the side. Till today, she still laughed about how she almost got us both drowned.

She weaved in and out of my life through the 20 years of friendship. We can tell each other everything and we can be quite brutally frank about everything else. I've always asked her... do you want to hear the real thing or do you want me to cook up stories? Sometimes she prefers i cook up some stories when she cannot accept certain facts at that moment.

She called me last week while she was driving and on her way home to see her mom. She tells me of her hair that is thinning so much that her scalp is showing. She is too afraid to look at the mirror. I told her, all your hair will be gone by the 2nd or 3rd session. You will be bald. That's being quite brutally frank. She took it with a very very heavy heart. I said again.. Good News.. all your hair will be back.. much better looking after the 6th session. We could go out and check out some wigs. You can even be a blonde for a while. We both laughed.

Ever since her dad passed away, she went back every weekend to see her mom in Kampar. Each and every weekend, she drives home alone. A two hour drive that can sometimes go up to three or four hours if there's a public holiday. A most devoted daughter. I wouldn't be able to drive home every weekend if i was still working in Kuala Lumpur. It is most tiring to be doing it every week.

I have had an aunt and cousin who has gone through cancer and lost their battles midway. I know that some of you out there have won your battles against cancer. But it is never easy.

The side effects from chemotherapy can be quite bad for some. I just hope that she'll have a smoother road ahead. Two down and four more to go.

I told her, if anyone is going to beat this cancer, it will be you. If anyone can get through this chemotherapy, it will be you. I try to believe it myself too.

I am not lost for words. I am just lost in my thoughts lately. I have and need to just purge it out.

My apologies for not dropping by most of your blogs. Soon.. i'll send Dommy over soon... soonest he wakes up.

"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson