Mayday could mean the 1st of May or it could mean the distress signal code m'aider in French meaning "come help me".
Firstly... Happy Mayday to everyone. I hope none is working today. Even my breadman is taking a break and not baking today :) Its good to take a break sometimes if you can.
This old man is humming softly. With earplugs, he sings a sad tune. All the sad songs goes on and on. Why would an old man like him be so sad on such a day?
He drifts in and out and remembers mostly of the past. Mostly of the past because those were the happy times. We should remember only about the things that make us happy.
His vision is a bit blurry and driving at night now seems a problem. His gait is a bit wobbly and sometimes he trips over imaginary things.
He longs for the comfort of his sweet wife and sometimes wishes that she is still around to hold him close. The wife which he spent his whole lifetime with. Only one love and an enduring one even though she has gone over to the rainbow bridge. Love like that is hard to find nowadays. Some people are more into varieties and scoot when the going gets tough.
He still makes a drink in the mornings and at night for her even though she is not able to drink it physically but she will know somehow that she is still loved. Some people call him crazy for putting a cup of hot coffee still on the table beside her picture. Cmon... its been four years they say. But if it makes him feel better and makes his day go easier, who cares about the some people.
He goes to chat with her at the church each morning. Lights her a candle and sometimes rant about the things that happen at home. He knows she'll listen when others don't. He knows she will understand when none does.
He is my father and he is 70 years old. An old man. His time on earth is on grace. Like each and everyone of us, our time on earth is on grace too. We do not know if tomorrow will come.
My father used to be quite an angry man. Life was tougher then. There were many mouths to feed then. When he drives us to school, I used to shudder and become really small in the car when he scolds everyone on the road while driving us to school. Quite an angry man. Smoking made him more agitated then.
But he has always given us the best in education and whatever he could afford. He created a safe home and a wonderful childhood for my sisters and i. Even the days when we did wrong and got caned, it breaks his heart more to cane us. He will come and check on us later and put medicine then. He'll talk with us and all is forgotten the next day.
He always made time for us. He takes us all over for holidays when he could. When he has more money, we stayed at better places. When he had less, we stayed at an association once. Spooky but it was an experience. He took us for ice-cream treats when his salary comes in. He always buys books.. dollie books.. coloring books.. loads of books for us. He always tried to make each and every one of us special. He gave me the gift of music in my life. He gave me piano lessons which i hated then but now i wish i followed through back then.
When you get to 70 years old, sometimes your children doesn't really want to listen to your opinion anymore. They have grown and made their own observations to come up with their own opinions on things. When you tell them your opinion, sometimes it will clash and a lot of fireworks gets exchanged. Who's right and who's wrong, would it really matter at the end of the day?
I took my dad out to lunch today. He still has the knack to scold almost everyone on the road. *LOL* Everyone seems to be in the wrong. That's where i learnt to practise selective hearing.
It is quite bad to do selective hearing with your own dad. I've moved back home 4 years ago since my mom passed away. If i did not practise selective hearing, it could prove to be too much and overwhelming on some days. I have lived a very free and unbounded life for a very long time. Nobody could actually tell me what to do and when to do it. I have always been quite a stubborn mule.
People who know me knows that i don't like to pick fights. I always walk away.
Selective hearing works in some ways for harmony to exist at home. He may be right or he may be wrong and he can be quite a nag but do know that he is an old man. Don't hold grudges with your own dad. If you only make one phone call a month to your father, something must be very wrong.
We move ahead each and everyday. We don't look back at the things that make us sad. We look forward to the things that make us glad. We keep good memories of our loved ones. We don't keep grudges and keep going back to things that hurts us most.
Slowly day by day he is losing his beautiful mind because of loneliness. He longs for company. He is scared to be alone sometimes. I try to keep as much time as i could with dad but i cannot do this all alone. m'aider
We try to go and be with family as much as we could. But when we get together, why must there always be drama. *LOL* People have to tiptoe around you. Even the breeze makes a hurried departure through the rear door. Not everything is about you.
My apologies for the very long rant. This is just a silent letter to someone. I hope she don't read this or i'll surely be in deep shit. *LOL* And a lot of drama continues...
But but but... everything is ABOUT ME right?? right?
Can i have some nom noms now??