I am blessed. That i cannot deny. Every single day of my life. I am blessed.

My colleague's dad passed away yesterday. May his soul rest in peace. I have seen him on many occations from my colleague's wedding to the birthday parties and the many celebrations they have at the big ole house. He is grand old man. Even though i do not know him personally, i am sure he has seen this thin tall girl running around at his house all the time when there's a party. Most of the old folks remember me as the thin tall girl.

Tonite is the last night of the wake and i can imagine the sadness in my friend's heart now. How the heart aches. On my mom's last night with us, all i can remembered was i was exhausted. I just held on to Stormy's hand tightly and fell asleep knowing he is by my side in my time of sorrow. The days that follow were all a daze.

Until today, i am still living in a daze. My mom's clothes are still hanging nicely in her cupboard. We didn't move much of her things around. My aunts were telling us to clear the cupboards immediately after mom's funeral and give her clothes away. But we didn't. She still lives in the memories and things that she left behind. She guides our hands in the things we do each day.

Am supposed to be in KL tomorrow for the funeral mass but i don't think i can make it on time. My heart wants to go and just give my friend a hug.

Rest of my colleagues are a worrisome bunch... hahhahahaaa
One keeps calling me idiot idiot and idiot on yahoo because i told her i am driving down tomorrow. They told me its quite pointless for me to rush down. They are probably right.

When i lost my mom, i just didn't want to answer any calls on my phone. I just kept to myself. People and friends calling and asks me the same questions over and over again... Why why.. how did it happen.. when when.. but how did it happen? I wouldn't know how it happen.. and then the Why and Why... i was angry for quite a while. I even sliced my finger while cooking because i was angry and not concentrating.

When a person loses a loved one, i guess all they need is time and space to mourn.

We have all come a long way after two years. We all had a wonderful Father's Day recently with papa. My siblings were back and we did quite a lot of things. Papa had a grand Father's Day. Lot of pics too. Will post about this soon.

I am blessed. The worrisome bunch in the office really cares about me. They read my blog all the time to check on what i am doing after i moved back home to work. I've known them all for a very long time. I miss them all the time... Especially the one that echos my sounds in the office. I have great friends. Wish i was a better friend too.

Wish i can sit by my friend now and just hold her hands too.

6 woofs:

Nessa said...

I'm sorry to hear about your colleague's dad. My condolences to her and her family ya.

May his soul rest in peace...

Anny said...

tks Nessa.

Spiff, The Spaceman said...

Life can be unexpected so live it to the fullest, I would say.

Condolences to your friend and her family.

Anny said...

Life is unexpected..and life has to go on for the living.

Emila Yusof said...

I know how it feels, anny. i couldn't be there when my friend's husband died (who was a friend too). i was like crazy sitting in the house thinking about her.

Anny said...

yea.. its harder to be not around.. but circumstances sometimes forbid.

but good friends will forgive us.