2nd Anniversary

According to the chinese calendar, today is my mom's 2nd death anniversary. The actual anniversary is on the 3rd of May. We will have prayers in the house then.

I visited mom yesterday. Yellow lillies this time. The uncle florist was very nice. He did a very nice bouquet for just 10 bucks. Today i didn't go, as it was Easter. I hardly go with my father to church. Usually i go alone when there's less of a crowd to just visit my mom beside the church. I am not a Catholic but i believe there's a God. Mom and Dad are Catholics.

I don't like to go church especially on Mother's Day. Cos i don't like the feeling that i don't have one anymore. And they usually play these songs that make you really sad inside. I am just strong on the outside. I am like a cookie crumble inside.

Chinese believes when the dearly departed leaves this world, they come back sometimes as butterflies or moths. That's what grandma tells me when i was little.

And true enough, on some anniversaries of grandma and grandpa... we usually see a black moth in the house.

Today, i saw two fleeting images of a black & brown butterflies/moths. In a way, it sort of kept my heart happy that mom is back. It was just very random... and i just caught the sight of the moth at a restaurant.. and when i was standing outside the house.

I know she'll be back for a visit somehow. Everybody has their own way of dealing with their feelings of their dearly departed. I just like to deal with it my own way.

My papa... he loves to play all her favourite songs... especially on these anniversaries.

I don't like to talk about how my mom passed away anymore. People still want to ask why and why. That sometimes anger my father. Usually i try and changed the subject when he's angry with these people. When a person is dead, let her rest in peace. Asking about the whys and hows are never going to bring them back. If you want to a filial son or daughter, do it when they are alive. Not when they are dead and long gone. That's my take on life. Live life with less regrets.

This poem is a very meaningful one.

"What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now forever taken from our sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind..."

~ William Worthsworth